and all I see is the lightning and the rain

[pez]

Meeting up with Dexter and others for dinner tomorrow. When he named the people I couldn't help but notice the lack of my ex's name in the list. As far as I know Dexter works with him in the same company. Could have been deliberate, who knows. I am actually rather curious as to how he is getting on, but it's really no loss, not meeting him.

I took a lot of photos today, but don't have the card reader on hand so will upload the photos later.

Right now, the red rainstorm warning and thunderstorm warning are in place. The lightning and thunder right outside the window is absolutely frightening. But somehow, all I can think of is how my grandfather used to say, never smile or laugh facing out the window when there is lightning, or your lips would split like a rabbit's lips. Old beliefs. XD

Something I was thinking about the other day... I'm suddenly becoming very aware of the very tiny differences between Chinese and Western culture. For example, I've always known the Chinese liked to share food during a meal - eating is a gathering, a celebration, a feast. There is food in the middle and everybody just take some - it's about sharing. And I know in UK that's not what people do. Everybody order their own food and eat their own food. But if I'm eating with friends in the UK, I sometimes still pick food off other people's plates and people who aren't from the same culture would go wtf at me, or think I'm rude. But it's not like that. I'm just refusing to conform to your culture completely because I was born to be Chinese and I intend to stay that way.

HK drives me bananas. The people, the streets... sometimes I can't stand it. Yet at the same time, I love this place. I love the convenience, the people (who I sometimes hate), the feeling of safety even when I'm out alone in the middle of the night, on a footbridge from IFC, not quite sure how to get to Lan Kwai Fong i.e. lost. I love being able to go out whichever time of day and still able to buy food, or get entertainment. I love the transport system, how it's always clean and nobody would be eating burgers beside you, and it's friggin' cheap. I am proud of being a HK citizen because we have a collective power; we protest but almost never resort to violence, we are able to hold international conferences and events peacefully and there is no constant debate of Iraq war or NHS or whether a peer-ship could be bought. I love how HK accepts new ideas and technologies readily. I love the efficiency - HK's efficiency at most things is absolutely mind-blowing.

One day, I'll have to come back. My parents get older every day and I want to be by their side. But right now, I'm asking myself when that "one day" will be. I used to think maybe another 5 or 6 years, but now, I'm not so sure. I have a deep fear of working in HK - it's pretty much slavery. And I can't see myself as a married woman (nobody who knows me well can - "unless if the guy is an extremely talented man, and Japanese XD" Sandy said last night, and how true that is!), so there is no chance of being a full-time housewife. But although the prospect of working in HK is so, so frightening, I don't know... I just don't know. My mind curls up and dies every time I try to think about the future.

Anyway.

There are stuff I want to talk to my parents about, which I still haven't done. I should probably see the doctor too.

My life would be a lot better if my dad would stop seeing me as a fucking idiot if I don't get something right on the first attempt.

Comments

[miiol.livejournal.com]

Hmm, for my family too, it's "There is food in the middle and everybody just take some - it's about sharing. " <-- the same thing here. But also, it's less about sharing and more about FIGHTING TO GET THE FOOD OMG. XD

I hope everything goes well for whatever you need to discuss with your family.