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pezI've just defriended 39 journals.
I admit I am far from being the best person out there. I don't talk to most people on my flist. But I make a point to read their entries, particularly the RL ones. And when I see somebody isn't doing quite well, as long as I have some good advice to give, I'd still post a comment even if we haven't talked for eternity. I do try to be a friend to people. And I hope to be treated the same.
Many things have changed for me in the last few months. I've become stressed and upset a lot of the time, and for me, my journal is my outlet. Yes, I write a lot of funny things, post drawings, photos and bits of writing, but essentially, this journal is about /me/. And people I list on my journal as friends, I really do treat as friends, not just "somebody who reads my LJ and whose LJ I read". What I say in this journal, as long as isn't under private-lock, is meant for myself and my friends to read.
Consider this: things have been difficult for you in the last few months. One day, you finally caved and broke down. You make a post about it, and nobody in your 68-strong friends list ask after you in any way, be it by LJ comment, text message, IM, phone, anything.
If you've been feeling that your friends have no time for you, this just confirms that feeling, doesn't it?
This, from last Sunday, more-or-less did it for me. For a long time I had this feeling that I am just people's entertainment, because people read and reply to my cracky things but disappear at other times. People don't even stop to give me a pet on the back when I post good news. Every time I say something serious, whether I include details or not, I get a punishing silence in return.
Yes, perhaps even with my smaller flist, I'd still get no reply if I say I'm stressed and upset and want to kill something. But to get silence from 29 people still feels better to get it from 68, right?
I need friends. I need support. I need people who have time in their lives for me. Yes, much of these are accusations, but it is how I am feeling right now.
I guess what I want to say is that, this is not a fandom journal.
I've defriended loads of people. Loads and loads of people. The people who are nice but never talk to me. The people who are nice and occasionally talk to me. Even the people who I like. Even the people who have recently said things to me and offered their help with buying things. The whole exercise was nearly indiscriminate.
I will add people back, but only those who are prepared to be friends with me. People who genuinely will share my happiness, tell me when I've fucked up, and give support when I need it.
If, after reading all this, you want to be my friend, please comment. If not, well we'll still be playing with each other in RPs and there are no hard feelings at all. Don't feel obliged to reply, please really, really consider. I am a high-maintenance person. It'd only hurt more if it turns out you don't have the time for me afterall. I am not expecting many replies at all. Please don't reply with apologies, or if you don't agree with what I said, please just leave me alone; don't say anything. I only want to know who, if anyone, I should be friending back.
[edit] This journal is not turning friends-only. So even if you are not on my flist anymore and don't want to be added back, you are still welcomed to comment on my posts in the future.
[edit 2] More here.
I admit I am far from being the best person out there. I don't talk to most people on my flist. But I make a point to read their entries, particularly the RL ones. And when I see somebody isn't doing quite well, as long as I have some good advice to give, I'd still post a comment even if we haven't talked for eternity. I do try to be a friend to people. And I hope to be treated the same.
Many things have changed for me in the last few months. I've become stressed and upset a lot of the time, and for me, my journal is my outlet. Yes, I write a lot of funny things, post drawings, photos and bits of writing, but essentially, this journal is about /me/. And people I list on my journal as friends, I really do treat as friends, not just "somebody who reads my LJ and whose LJ I read". What I say in this journal, as long as isn't under private-lock, is meant for myself and my friends to read.
Consider this: things have been difficult for you in the last few months. One day, you finally caved and broke down. You make a post about it, and nobody in your 68-strong friends list ask after you in any way, be it by LJ comment, text message, IM, phone, anything.
If you've been feeling that your friends have no time for you, this just confirms that feeling, doesn't it?
This, from last Sunday, more-or-less did it for me. For a long time I had this feeling that I am just people's entertainment, because people read and reply to my cracky things but disappear at other times. People don't even stop to give me a pet on the back when I post good news. Every time I say something serious, whether I include details or not, I get a punishing silence in return.
Yes, perhaps even with my smaller flist, I'd still get no reply if I say I'm stressed and upset and want to kill something. But to get silence from 29 people still feels better to get it from 68, right?
I need friends. I need support. I need people who have time in their lives for me. Yes, much of these are accusations, but it is how I am feeling right now.
I guess what I want to say is that, this is not a fandom journal.
I've defriended loads of people. Loads and loads of people. The people who are nice but never talk to me. The people who are nice and occasionally talk to me. Even the people who I like. Even the people who have recently said things to me and offered their help with buying things. The whole exercise was nearly indiscriminate.
I will add people back, but only those who are prepared to be friends with me. People who genuinely will share my happiness, tell me when I've fucked up, and give support when I need it.
If, after reading all this, you want to be my friend, please comment. If not, well we'll still be playing with each other in RPs and there are no hard feelings at all. Don't feel obliged to reply, please really, really consider. I am a high-maintenance person. It'd only hurt more if it turns out you don't have the time for me afterall. I am not expecting many replies at all. Please don't reply with apologies, or if you don't agree with what I said, please just leave me alone; don't say anything. I only want to know who, if anyone, I should be friending back.
[edit] This journal is not turning friends-only. So even if you are not on my flist anymore and don't want to be added back, you are still welcomed to comment on my posts in the future.
[edit 2] More here.
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-24 11:26 pm (UTC)I went back to your posts from Sunday. (I was away that weekend and didn't try to get caught up in LJ.) I have to be honest that I didn't realize how upset you were. If it's the post I think it is, it was so short, and I didn't know how serious it was. I'm very sorry. Sometimes, you have to not be too subtle with me. I don't pick up on clues very easily.
I'll do my best to be here when you need some support and/or encouragement, but I won't make promises because I don't want to disappoint you. That's the best I can offer anyone on my flist. I hope it's enough. *HUGS*