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Note to American friends: Asda = UK version of Walmart.

One day in the company canteen, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow really hurts; I think I better see a doctor."

"Listen, don't waste time," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Asda, just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs five pounds.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor".

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Asda. He deposits five pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks'.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurries back to Asda, eager to check what will happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a solicitor.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better

..... .......and thank you for shopping at Asda.

Oh and, direct from the man himself:

"i want another mention on your journal. make me out to be incredible."

There, you've been mentioned. Happy now? XD