why do I do this to myself

[pez]

If the concept of the story is depressing enough to make you want to cry, maybe you should not write it.

This list has gotten short. I am pleased.

• [Skin Deep]


• [Lullaby]


• [Megane Rangers]


• [Worth] - IN PROGRESS


• [Here With Me]


• Higa KiteRin


• ZukaFuji


• That AU

But it's not like anyone cares.

Comments

[lady-of-water.livejournal.com]

I care! I lurk on your journal all the time but usually I'm too afraid of you to say anything. :D Because you see, in my circle of friends, I am the Writer and everyone agrees, "Yes, Arii is the best writer of all of us." It's not hard to admit that when most of your friends aren't entirely sure that commas are trustworthy beings. Or, you know, what a direct object is. Or plot arcs. I could go on~

So therefore, whenever I read someone who is CLEARLY a better writer than me, I am awed and inspired and a whole lot of shy because it's a strange and unusual feeling. Half of me wants to hide everything I've ever written so as not to publicly humiliate myself, and the other half wants to fall at, say, Neil Gaiman's feet and beg him, "Teach me, sensei!" For fic writers it's more like, "DD: Holy crap, how did you DO that?" Which, because I'm more commonly in the ANSWERING perspective, I know is a strange and pointless question to be asked. "Eh? Um. I just sort of...did. >.>"
Also? I don't want people to think I'm some sort of crazy stalker fan. x_x

I'm not a crazy stalker fan, Pez, but I think you are awesome and brilliant. D: And also nicer than other people who write well. And every time I read a new bit of fic by you, I sigh and say to Viya (my friend who ALSO thinks you're madly cool) "I wish I could write fic like that. With that sort of breath-catching, heart-entangling evocativeness."
But I caaaan't. I can write the light-hearted happy fics with frolicking-kitten angst, if any. But I can't get the biiiiiiiig picture Plot Goodness into fics like I can for my original works. It's awful. XD

And so: Shut up. XD Don't be moody: There's lots of people who love you, and so instead of dragging yourself down over the idiots who cannot be trained out of their idiocy, focus on the nice ones, the ones who would cry if you stopped posting fics. O_O The others aren't worth the effort it takes to worry about them. XD
(Damn, I wish someone would say this to me when I'm having a "I'm never going to be anything better than the-good-side-of-mediocre, am I?" day. XDD)

And FINALLY, in conclusion:
You are a silly bunny, but I LOVE YOU, PEZ. *squish* Shall I compose haiku? (See, sonnets? Too hard,
But I haiku-babble like
It's my native tongue.)

[lady-of-water.livejournal.com]

PS. *raises hand* I vote for Lullaby. 8D

PPS. Did you know that you've been nominated *EIGHT TIMES* for Platinum PoT: The Tenipuri All-Fandom Fiction and Art Awards? That puts you solidly in the running for "Most Nominated Author" AND the "Best Author." (Don't know if you care about the awards-- I set it up and people seemed to wank about it a lot. >.> But! There's numbers for you. :D)

[yuki-scorpio.livejournal.com]

I aim to finish Lullaby... some time this year. Really. XD

No, I didn't! Did pop over to look a while ago but not checked recently. OMG. O.o (My attitude re: awards is that it's very nice that people nominate writers, especially since I whine about people who read&don't comment or just don't appreciate writers' effort. It's one way to show their appreciation.) Oh um. O.o

I don't know what to say to your comment, really. I'm... better now than I was. You should see the sort of crap I churned out when I was 17 (which I think is how old you are?) OMG it's unreadable. I think I probably only just got out of my Fangirl Japanese phase at that point, srsly. And I can't write originals to save my life.

(The wank? I've been following it. It hasn't gone far enough to really be wank yet, I think some people are just taking it all a tad too seriously or were just bored and wanting some lolz. It has been some time since the last hate meme, after all.)

(The Comma is out there for writers to abuse, seriously. So is the Semicolon. *litters them all over fics*) [edit: I obviously also likes to litter comments all over with parentheses, heh.]

Um, I still wibble over being told multiple times that my characterisations are wrong.

But, yeah, thanks! Now that I think about it, I was like this in the beginning of last year, it's probably an annual thing (wtf). Thanks for your nice words.

(Still. Eight times. WTF. O_O)

[lady-of-water.livejournal.com]

"(My attitude re: awards is that it's very nice that people nominate writers, especially since I whine about people who read&don't comment or just don't appreciate writers' effort. It's one way to show their appreciation.)"

Yes, exactly, and that's the sort of thing we were aiming for when we started the awards. Showing appreciation to authors who are either good enough that people are intimidated, or small enough that not very many people read them.

"You should see the sort of crap I churned out when I was 17 (which I think is how old you are?)"

*SHIFTY* >.> *SHIFTYSHIFTY* <.<
(Howdidyouknow?!?! D: Only until the 27th of this month... >.>) But yes, I know the feeling. During the teenaged phase of writing, you're still learning so MUCH and your writing style is fluctuating and adjusting and settling down--well, *I*, for one, can't stand to read anything I wrote six months ago, let alone a few years. XD

"And I can't write originals to save my life."
I'm generally more confident about my skill with my novels and suchlike--there's more to be learned from reading a good writer like Tolkien or Gaiman or Golding and emulating their description techniques, or their plot and characterization twists, or their use of suspense.

(Parentheses abuse!!! \o/)

A thought: The ONLY person--the *ONLY* person--who could POSSIBLY tell you definitively if your characterizations are wrong is the Author. Has Konomi sent you angry letters yet telling you to shut up and break your pen and drink the ink and choke and die on it so you never write again?
Then don't believe those silly comments. They are no more qualified to tell you that your characterizations are good or not than I am to teach quantum physics. (*shudder*) Because they are JUST the same as you--FANS of the work. They don't hold a B.S. in Anime Science or anything. In fact, how do you even know these people aren't some sort of wacky shippers who think that anything other than Fuji/Ryoma is wrong, and therefore, since you write TezuFuji, you are wrong? Does that make sense? None at all. :D You don't KNOW. And besides, fanfiction is all about personal interpretation, ne? And I know my characterizations vary from fic to fic--in one, I may have use of a gentler, more soft-spoken Yukimura, where in another, I require him to be sharper, harsher, more...ferocious. He is capable, as a character, of both aspects, and we have seen both aspects, right? So then it's just about making the right choice about which aspect suits the need of your story.

And I have annual downswings too. It's a thing. <3
And you're very welcome, dear. :D

(Yes, eight times. :D The only competition you have for Most-Nominated Author is... Actually, you don't. So. Hush, you awesome thing you. :D)

[yuki-scorpio.livejournal.com]

Howdidyouknow?!?!

Your LJ is linked to your MySpace and Nanowrimo page, which has your age on it. :P

And fdjskfhsaklfhlasf it's too early in the morning for much coherent thought. But thank you. ^_________^

[lady-of-water.livejournal.com]

"Your LJ is linked to your MySpace and Nanowrimo page, which has your age on it. :P"

...Oh goddamn. XD And here I thought I was being discreet. *is a complete idiot* \o/ No, but I'll be eighteen at the end of this month, so. :)

Don't mention it, hon. <3 And I promise I'll comment next time, kk? :D