Crime at the office

[pez]

I got the email, below, from coworker I.

subject line: are you...
body: ..the biscuit thief who is demanding £1.75?
If not, then this will baffle you.

Me: I am baffled.

I: Someone stole my biscuits and I have a ransom note.

Me: I recommend using £1.75 to buy a new pack of biscuits. It’s unfortunate for the kidnapped biscuits, but such is life.

I: I suspect R has them.

Me: Then let him keep them. They’re safe with him; he can’t eat them anyway.
(note: R has wheat intolerance.)

I: Exactly why I suspect him.

Me: You mean he has wheat tolerance jealousy? If he can’t have any, neither can anyone else?

I: That might be what it’s really all about…
I have 33 minutes left. The note read:


Me: The biscuits get what? A massage?
Also, are you sure you want to see chocolate biscuits alive?

I: They get “it” apparently. Not sure what “it” is. Maybe bashed up.
And…I see your point. I wouldn’t want to see them alive. See, now see that’s not the sort of thing you’d write, you’d spot the mistake.

Me: Maybe you should leave a note to the kidnapper to pick up at 3pm, telling them that you don’t want to see the biscuits alive. Singing & dancing chocolate biscuits are ever so messy.

I: DE suggests that L confiscated them

Me: DE took them, I bet. He’s trying to divert your attention.

I: I think so.
I am happy to amuse him for a short while.
What I could do is pinch something of theirs…but that’s a bit petty

Me: You can copy this email him and R and see what they have to say for themselves.

I: No, I’m playing it cool.
This face is unaffected.

Me: Maybe you’ll find a trail of crumbs…. I mean evidence… that will lead you to the kidnapper.

I: Hmmm~
Could be. unless they laid a false trail.

Me: Try to spot the chocolate bits.

I: Around their mouth?

Me: Try not to stare too hard at their mouths though. They might get the wrong idea.

I: Yes, I can do it slyly.
I’m looking at DH’s right now.

Me: If he catches you staring, he might think you secretly admire him.
10 minutes until your biscuits get it.

I: Don’t worry, he’s ok with that. i did also check yours before.
10 mins…8 now.
EEP.

Me: Poor biscuits. :(

I: All chocolatey and innocent

Me: Chocolatey things are NEVER innocent.

I: They are surreptitious.

Me: Anyway, you need to demand evidence that your biscuits are still intact before you pay the ransom.
A photo of them with today’s newspaper would do.

I: Good idea!!

Me: I know. I’m just that awesome.
2 more minutes. You should go meet the kidnappers and make that demand.

I: DE’s gone off…
I should go armed.

Me: Lots of forks in the kitchen.
GOOD LUCK!

I: DE's getting forked.

And off he goes. Who is the real kidnapper? Will he fork DE? Will he come back alive? Will the chocolate biscuits be alive???