pez | (no subject)

I seemed to have hit the bottom last Wednesday (sorry Hana, and thanks) and may be on the slow rebound, but don't put money on it just yet.

The days seem to blur together. Have been writing (temp title [Black Box]), but can't seem to get anything right. Cried a lot; took a day off work. Lost faith in people in general. Can't seem to summon niceness back to people who are nice to me. Lost expectations to everything. Did once wish people are more proactive, now just wish to be fine myself.

Was asked what's wrong. Couldn't say because 1) I was in the office toilet that time on the phone and would rather not discuss things at length and 2) just couldn't explain. Blurbed out random things that have been pissing me off instead. I don't how to properly explain it apart from say I heard those balcony gates rattling because I was shaking them with all my might and screaming at the top of my lungs. Can just never ever get over it. Every time I get left out of something or get left alone or people leave me unexplained or people shut me out, I just see that 22nd floor balcony and I go crazy. Should probably see a shrink. If the concept of it doesn't make me feel sicker than I am.

Meeting people is good though. Should do that more!

Around this time last year I lost two friends I held dear. One just pulled out of my life and the other branded me Miss Popular. I don't think I've gotten over that either.

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Or see the GP again because that all sounds like depression to me. I'm guessing that apart from anything else you're just really pissed off and upset over your birthday.

And I could have a long talk with you about charcoal braziers...

I think it is all the fault of January. Post Christmas, everything tumbles together, those who work have to plan for the whole year, those at school have exams, yearly bills have to be paid, blahblah. I was down in the dumps too, I am sorry that I couldn't help, though.

The only thing I can think of doing is planning to do something really, really fun in the middle of January next year, because this is the third or fourth year that Janary was HORROR for me (excepting last year), and I do not like it. I'll keep the possibility of Fun Thing (maybe t00bing or something) in mind and will bring it up again when the time for plannning is ripe. Personally, I think it's the only thing that could combat the almost inevitable post Christmas letdown.

(This all in comment to the meeting = good thing, to which I wholeheartedly agree.)

Also, I think it's okay to freak out when you feel left alone like that. Very few people actually do manage to achieve the ability to not need other people, it's just against human nature.

I am yours, ANY time you need me, Pez. There's nothing to apologize for needing to talk to a friend. You are loved, so very loved, and if I could pack you into my spare room permanently I would.

It might help if you saw someone you were able to talk to. Needing not to bottle things up inside =/= sick. And sick =/= bad =/= failure. People, ourselves and others, are fatally flawed and imperfect, horribly so at times. We are weak and needy and we undermine ourselves often without meaning to. Sometimes, it takes more strength to say 'I need help. Help me, please' than to press on and try to shoulder everything yourself.

You are my loffloff and someone I hold incredibly dear.

I'm sorry you feel that way hunni. I think its been a bad couple of days for lots of people. I don't really know you that well so I won't pretend to know everything that goes on - just *hug* and if you ever want to talk to me, fresh opinion, or anything else, I'm always here. I mean that truly - not just a hollow promise.

Milz xxx

*hugs*

I think

semishade is right. It does sound like depression and you should get help if you can.

*hugs* I really hope things get better for you soon... I know what it can be like to be depressed. (I allegedly have clinical depression; sometimes life is happy, sometimes it just isn't, for no particular reason. I've tried various things but for now I'm doing ok dealing with it by myself. Do see someone if you think it might help, though; you won't know unless you try.)

Hey, this may sound like a really weird invite, but would you like to go see a production of Medea with me? It's at the Bloomsbury theatre. I can't really vouch for the quality as it's a university production but I'd like to see it and am looking for companions. I understand if you'd rather not meet up with a strange geek or if greek tragedy Just Isn't Your Thing. But I thought I'd ask.

I have/had clinical depression and was treated for it... I don't know if it's coming back or not.

re: Medea, thanks but I don't think I'll be able to understand it T_T

Fair enough. I have no idea what the translation they're using is like, if it's clear or overly poetic or what. Ah well.

I'm always here to talk if you need to. You have my number yes? Even if you don't want me to stay anything, I'll just stay on the phone or on the other side of the MSN window. ......of course, you did mention that you'd rather not discuss it but I was afraid that if I didn't comment, you'd feel, as you did some months ago, that no one cares, but I do care. ♥

I don't know enough to really comment but (((big hug)))

I am so sorry you're feeling low. And I'm sorry about your friends.
I won't say anything bad, because. . . I can't stand to hear
bad things about Tofu or Coji or Sooti or anyone at all, even now.
But, I do hope things improve. Good luck, good luck!

And also. . . I'm still waiting for the word. T___T; I'm sorry.

Actually I have no idea what happened between you guys, wasn't even aware something happened (missed the post/filtered out). But I know what you mean. With one or two people I still wish the best for them, too. And I don't really think my friends have done anything wrong; I', very bad at asking for help and friends are always too far to help.

I loff you for trying to organise it!!!!!!

Ah, I don't use filters. XD It's a long long story, involving myself. XDDD Spanning months. So, please don't worry. And, I know what you mean.

Anyway. I'm still trying. SO DON'T HIDE YET PLEASE. >;

And I have to apologise, because, it won't happen.
I'm very sorry. I'm the only always-free one. . .!!
Please have an absolutely wonderful time~~!! ♥
(Unless you'd like a visit from ME and my UNCOOL XD HAHAH)

Ah well, thanks for trying anyway!!! ♥
(if you have nothing better to do, please come to London! We can traumatise Londoners merely with our presence!!!
(your uncool? O.o?)

Ahh don't worry don't worry! XD
I'm like the booby prize, so,
I won't force my presence at you, haha!!

*HUGS* This time of year doesn't help. It's so dreary outside, it's easy to get depressed.

January effing blows. I like

chinawolf's suggestion to do something fun in January. :D

Hang in there!

It must be post holiday depression......everybody gets the same to a more/less serious extent......

I am sure things will get better and better for you this year, good luck!

*sends love* ♥ It's the time of the year. ._.

Phone = pretty much always on, if you want to talk and things, even though I'm probably not the best person to talk to.

Hugs don't really seem to cut it, so I'll just hope that you feel better. Clinical depression doesn't just go away, please go see someone to see if there's something they can do. Try not to bottle things up.

I'd gone, was put on drugs and then got better and got off the drugs, although now I wonder if maybe I am slipping back a bit. Will see how it goes first!