Jan. 6th, 2015 03:09 am
pez: (Pez)
[personal profile] pez
I keep trying to think about the things that happened in 2014, but only come up with a handful of events.

Coscraft was moved twice in one year. First time it was out of the home, and then from one office into another bigger office. I do have a sense of achievement about this, but it's not as immense as it probably should be, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it has something to do with what I mentioned a while back.

My health was generally fine during the year. I still have skin problems near my ears (stress-triggered psoriasis, which gradually turned into eczma) but they seem to be slowly, slowly going away. It's been there for five or so years so it might take its time to leave. I think I have scars. My back has been mostly okay. Once in a while I couldn't hold food, for no obvious reason. Bouts of lethargy that felt like depression. Underslept most of the year but it's improved recently due to holidays. The odd headache.

Lately I think a lot about health, and existential things. A few people I know have had major health problems. A stroke. Losing eyesight and a foot to diabetes. A childhood friend of mine died, aged 32, of complications caused by Berger's disease. Sometimes I think about things like, what am I going to do if I suddenly become bedbound, would I have the resources and the strength to cope.

I've thought a lot about my anxiousness, which stems from, I reckon, unreliability. I'm much more relaxed when I'm in HK or Japan, because everything works. I don't need to leave house an extra hour early, just in case. Overall as a country UK is fine, but still, if it was a person then it's the one who is usually okay but when it matters you just don't know if they'll even show up on time. It puts me on edge.

I got closer to a few friends, and drifted from a few others.

I keep wanting to rearrange things around the flat. Often it feels like there's too much stuff.

I got back into fandom, only to edge my way out of it again. One of my stories got quite popular, and with popularity comes unwarranted hostility. I decided I don't like that fandom. But I got back into writing too, which is nice. I also made friends.

I remembered why I started to dislike and mistrust people - secondary school.

I tried to learn to be more patient with people, but don't think there was much success.

I was reminded that my personality is only attractive as an anime character, but in reality using logic and sense means heartlessness and such behaviour needs to be "forgiven".

Fuck that shit.

Which was my reaction to a lot of things, actually.

It'd been a year of walking on the spot rather than forward, probably.

Now back to writing about fictional people flying spaceships.
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January 2015

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